"the challenge" and a parenting dilemma

They did it, and now they feel rich.

One year ago, while at a birthday party, Andrew and Bev heard about "the challenge" and asked us if they could do it.

Some kids at the party were drinking water instead of soda--the kids told us that their parents made a deal with them--if they could go an entire year with no soda, they could earn $100.

When they first asked, Mike and I didn't quite know how we felt about it. After a bit of discussion, we actually thought it was a good idea. I liked that they would learn that sacrifice pays off. I thought of this quote:

"The cause of most of man's unhappiness is sacrificing what he wants most for what he wants now."

-Gordon B. Hinkley

Mike thought that it could reinforce the need to "just say no." If they can say "no" to soda now, later in life they will be able to say "no" to other things that may tempt them.

Our challenge was that they could have no soda or sugary drinks. (We did allow some juice.)

They had been planning on how to celebrate their success. So, the day they completed the challenge, they both enjoyed some root beer.

They both immediately put the money in their wallets, neither of them knowing quite what to do with it. Now, whenever we go to a store, they bring their wallets. They don't get anything--neither of them wants to break the bill.

Here is my dilemma: they want to do the challenge again, and Christian wants to join in. We want to encourage them in their efforts to be healthy, and honestly, I think this could be a good thing for Christian. He is very interested in things that are not good for him. He is curious about smoking and drinks with caffeine. He thinks that he is going to love those Monster drinks someday. Whenever he gets a drink of root beer he calls it just "beer." We have some work to do.

But, the words of Alfie Kohn ring in my ears. In his book, Punished by Rewards, he argues that we tend to treat kids like pets--"do this and you'll get that."

He writes:

"While rewards are effective at producing temporary compliance, they are strikingly ineffective at producing lasting changes in attitudes or behavior. The news gets worse. About two dozen studies from the field of social psychology conclusively show that people who expect to receive a reward do not perform as well as those who expect nothing."

I have always believed that external reinforcers have a place--that, if used properly, they can help people gain the desire to do what is right and good--that people can transition from doing something for the candy or money or praise, to being internally motivated because doing it makes them feel good.

We want to let them do the challenge again, maybe just not for cash. I can only imagine how this would go--us encouraging them to do the challenge and offering up "a good feeling" as the reward.